Sometimes when we break up with someone that’s not good for us, the universe is very pleased. But it wants to make sure we’ve really gotten the point… So the next person that shows up is often similar to the ex, or maybe it’s a “lite” version. I see this a ton in my office, so I wanted to bring it to your attention. It’s pretty fascinating, if you ask me. And if you know what to look for, you’ll be just fine. Remember, what we’re learning to do is see everything through the eyes of the universe. “I’m onto you, sneaky Universe…” I love it.
The classic example I see is the sensitive and the narcissist. This is because my office is like a magnet for sensitives. This is true whether they’re in a relationship or not. But when they are in a relationship, it’s often with someone that’s narcissistic to some degree. And note that everything is on a spectrum; a spectrum of sensitivity or a spectrum of narcissism. So to say someone is narcissistic doesn’t mean they’re necessarily the worst person in the world. It can, though, and bless their hearts…
Also note that I’m not judging anyone for being any certain way. I know that we’re all on a journey, and we bring certain traits in with us. Other traits are imprinted on us long before we’re old enough to have any say. It’s been said, for instance, that narcissism is a result of emotional neglect. I don’t know for sure that that’s always true or not. But either way, I have respect for all souls that are here having this human experience, which can be so challenging. Understatement. At the same time, however, I’m absolutely all about helping the sensitives stand up for themselves and let the more dominant and disrespectful ones know what is okay and what is not okay. Let them know how they need and deserve to be treated. Back to the story…
Let’s just take an extreme example, someone finally divorces their abusive husband after many years. It took that long to stand up for what is right, for how that person needs and deserves to be treated. How ANY person needs and deserves to be treated. And how is that? With respect. So the person is free, and it feels amazing! And then… they start dating. And they’re dating someone that seems wonderful. And all of a sudden, they notice something. Something feels strange, something feels off. Something feels… familiar?? Something feels abusive. NOOOO!!!
It might not be straight up abuse; in fact, it’s probably something much more subtle at first. But it’ll still have the energy of abuse, which is disrespect. And the person’s feeling is, “That’s not okay with me; that’s not how I will be treated.” If we want to really nail it, we let the person know right away. And to me it’s easiest to let them be innocent (even if you really don’t like what they did – it’s just easier on you). You might say something like, “Hey, what you said or did is not okay with me. You can do that, but you’ll have to do that with someone else. And I hope you’ll grow to where you won’t ever do things like that. It’s time to up your game.”
Doesn’t that sound amazing? And doesn’t it FEEL amazing? And it’s doing two really important things. First, it’s about the sensitive rising up to embrace the masculine within, thus coming into more balance as an individual and shining a brighter and brighter light. Because there’s power in those words. It’s a firm boundary. And note that it can be said very matter-of-factly, with a “just saying” sort of vibe. In fact, the person has a better chance of hearing you that way. The more healed and cleared you are, the less emotion there will be, and that’s just a process. The unique and simple practice of self-love that we teach here is the best way I know to get there, but life will do it anyway. Being married to the abusive guy for many years, in fact, will have a ton of growth in it. It can be slow and painful growth, though, so we’re just speeding that up.
The other important thing that those words are doing is helping the other person grow. The universe does not want anyone allowing themselves to be dominated by another. The universe wants the sensitives to learn how to stand up and say, “NO. That’s not okay. You can’t do that to me. Ever. Shame on you. Up your game.” The person might seem to get it or not, but know that you’ve done your job. You’ve planted some important seeds, so it’s time to move on. The universe will bring that person who and what they need next. It can be a pretty brutal process, but this is just how it works. And we’re getting through it. Slowly but surely.
I had one client that saw me who had indeed been married to an abusive guy for over twenty years. And when she came to see me, it was because she was having concerns about her current boyfriend, of around two years. I helped her see that she deserved WAY more, and she was able to get out of that one. He wasn’t as bad as the husband, but it was still nowhere close to acceptable behavior. Husband Lite. So we went from twenty years to two, which is a major upgrade! But I also gave her this zoomed out view, so that she would be ready in case she noticed something that didn’t feel right with the next person she dated. Even on the first date. Kick him to the curb! Have high standards, because you need it and you deserve it. We all do.
Once that’s been done to a sufficient degree, putting up that boundary of what works and what doesn’t work for us, we tend to finally attract someone that’s in a totally different category. In the case of men, it might go from the abusive caveman type – bless their hearts – to a more sensitive one. One that is naturally more caring. One that just wouldn’t do some of the same things that the others did. Not that they’re perfect, but they’re just in a different category. This is because the learning with the others has been done. It’s like we’re always graduating to the next class.
So there you go, folks! I’ll bet most of you have noticed this in your own life or have seen it in people you know. If not, I’ll bet you will now. It’s really interesting. And even though it can be tough when you’re going through it, that’s mostly because you don’t have this zoomed out view of what is going on. And now you do. It’s been said that knowledge is power. And while I don’t know that that’s always true, it sure is in this case. So I hope it helps you! And definitely spread the word on this one if you see it in your life. Let’s take the smoother and faster way of growth rather than the slower and more painful way. And as always, I’m here to help if I can 🙂