We talk a lot here at A Clean Mind about the fact – fact?? – that we basically have two voices to listen to. And only one of them is the real you. And it is wise, compassionate, intelligent, and for the most part quiet. It tends to just stick to the facts much of the time. And it’s always there, but sometimes we have to consciously ask its opinion and then consciously listen. Because it’s usually not trying to talk first or loudest. And by the way, many people talk about lots of different voices going on in their head. To me they’re all lumped into the one that’s the real you or the one that’s not. The conditioned ego voice can sounds like different ones, though, just like a diamond (or a piece of coal) has many facets. But it’s still either the conditioned ego voice or it’s the real you that’s been there the whole time. Two choices – just makes it more simple.
Today I’d like to talk about one of the things that our good voice, our wisdom or common sense, sometimes does, and that’s normalize how we are feeling. If I’ve just received some sad or upsetting news and I feel bad, my chatterbox could have a field day with it. And of course that gets the feeling stuck and actually makes it worse. But what if I were to ask my wisdom about this feeling? It might say something like, “No kidding dude – you just received some distressing news. How could you not feel this way? But I love you, and I am here to guide you through this. Relax and do your best and the feeling will pass at the right time.”
I can’t tell you how much this alone helps people. When people realize that how they’re feeling is actually normal under the circumstances, they sort of say, “Oh. Okay. Wow. I guess it’s not a problem, then. I guess there’s not something wrong with me.” And then the feeling is able to move when it’s ready. And their mind isn’t focused on it anymore, which means they’re free to respond to the situation in the best possible manner. So cool.
This might sound overly simple, but check it out. See if sometimes you make a totally normal feeling worse by judging it. See if you can ask your wisdom about that same feeling instead. And see if your wisdom doesn’t normalize the feeling. And finally, see if you don’t feel some space, some okay-ness, after this realization. The feeling might actually move! And if not, it probably won’t be as big a deal. People find lots of relief when they see that how they are feeling is totally normal and okay (even if it’s not fun at the time). It’s just part of the deal on earth sometimes.
Also note that this is kind of like the recent blog posts about judging our judgments here and then here. That secondary judgment is the real culprit as far as our pain and discontent goes. We really are scientists studying ourselves and our tendencies and patterns, people! And with total curiosity, not judgment. Feel the power! This is exciting. I had the best session recently, too, uncovering this same sort of stuff. It’s so cool when people, myself included, start to see it for the first time. Love it…
So there you go folks, let this idea of normalization sit with you for a bit and see if it can’t bring about some more peace into your life. It’s a big part of grief counseling, as an example. We can feel so crazy after a loved one dies, with all flavors of emotions coming and going in no certain order. Yep, that’s normal for grief. A person might say they were looking for their car keys for an hour and then found them in the refrigerator, and they had never done that before. Yep, that’s normal for grief. When these people hear that what they’re experiencing is actually normal, they just sort of get okay with it. They’re not making that secondary, self-created problem. They know that they’re not doing anything wrong. In fact, they are totally normal under the circumstances. When they realize this, those feelings can flow faster and then the person will come to healing and acceptance much more quickly. So we’re just taking this idea of normalization and extending it out into the rest of our lives in case it can help us to be more at peace. So happy practicing, and as always, let me know if I can help!