Okay folks, here’s my take after week one using EMDR. I had 23 total sessions, four were new clients, and I did EMDR in seven of the sessions, all existing clients. And since EMDR is an initialism, with all caps, let’s use these: OMG, WTF, LOL, LMAO! Yes, I was laughing. Laughing because of the insane, ridulous, major, foundational, life changing connections and insights that I witnessed, coming up from out of the blue. And in very little time! And by the way, because I had to look this up: An “acronym” is pronounced as a word, like NASA. An “initialism” is not a word; you just read each letter, like FBI, or EMDR. There you go.
Now, I’ve already written about some of the sessions in my last two posts, so I’ll tell you about one more today. But first let me share something from another client that wants to do it next time. I had told her that I’d just learned it, and that it might help clear out some old stuff. She said she’d actually heard about it just a few months ago. She started researching it back then, and she came across a video that looked like it might be worth watching. So she hit play, and then she proceeded to watch a ball go back and forth, left and right, for like three minutes. After that, she thought this is pretty boring, so she stopped. She didn’t have a target that she wanted to clear out, either; she was just following the ball with nothing else on her mind. Maybe she was expecting more of an explanation rather than actually engaging in the bilateral stimulation.
So she went to bed that night and all of a sudden this really nasty anxiety and panic came up. She felt like she was being pulled into a dark hole and couldn’t get out! Then after about thirty minutes of this, she started spontaneously talking herself up and out of it. She told herself that she doesn’t have to feel like this forever, and that there’s a way out. And she felt lighter. But here’s the thing – she had never talked to herself like that before. I had assumed we’d already started working together, so I was floored when she said it was before we’d met. Because she had literally no idea about her built-in wisdom. She didn’t know that loving herself or even being nice to herself was an option. She didn’t know that what she truly is – at the core, already, without having to lift a finger – is unlimited and magnificent. In fact, she’s described herself before as having been “sad, anxious, depressed, broken, worthless, and nothing” her whole life. Read that again! So this is not someone that has any experience in talking herself up when she’s low. And it sounds like that three minutes of bilateral stimulation really churned up some icky stuff! What is amazing is that after it moved some, her wisdom – which she had no idea even existed – came up from underneath it, out of the blue. WOW.
So the other session I mentioned, well, it was freaking amazing. And so fast! My client had had a recent experience that triggered past stuff, and she was surprised at how angry she had gotten. And as we know, that’s the body saying, “Go there, for that’s where healing is.” So she put on the headphones, grabbed the the pulsers, and I turned on the machine: left, right, left, right. And everybody so far has been thinking, “How could this possibly do anything??” She was no exception, because it just doesn’t seem like it could be powerful. Well, it took maybe one minute, and then she says, “Wow. Okay, I didn’t see that coming. Wow.” And she was back at her childhood home, decades ago, hiding behind a couch with her younger brother. Their parents were in a bad fight, screaming and yelling, dad drunk, and she and her brother were hiding. And she realized that she felt she had to protect her brother because he was so young. And she felt the dark, nasty, negative energy of the house. Not a place for a kid to thrive! I mean, she was there, right back in it. And that’s the point, so that it can be released. Forever.
After that, other memories came up, including one in which she was very young, maybe 3-5 years old. And the most major insights followed. She learned to associate being bad with getting attention from her mother, so that explains why she was always getting in trouble. And she saw how her dad wanted her mom’s attention and love, too. And so did her brother. And her dad was just like her brother. He had been through a lot as a kid himself, so it explained why he was the way he was. And by the way, it’s way easier to love someone and be compassionate towards them when how they are makes sense.
She realized how she had too much going on for a 12-year-old, with all the turmoil at home. She had been forced to switch schools, too, and that was a tough transition. So she did what she needed to do to survive: she put up a shield, a protective bubble. That’s when the wall went up. She said she’s always had trouble being vulnerable. Make sense now? She loved Star Wars, so she decided she had to become Princess Leia in order to survive. Princess Leia was strong and tough, and she could be a bitch if she needed to be. But here’s where it gets even cooler. Before we did the EMDR, she had told me about a vision she recently had in meditation in which she saw everything she wanted in life – everything! – just beyond arms reach. It was like there was a bubble extending out from her, pushing it away. Wait, did she say “bubble”? And then she does the bilateral stimulation and she sees exactly when she put a “bubble” around her. And all of this took only fifteen minutes!! It was super intense for her, but she knows that peace is underneath this crud. Deep cleaning, folks. Wow.
So there you go, week one using EMDR. Suffice it to say that this was a pretty amazing week, totally blowing my mind. Another major insight that last person had was how her mom ruled the whole house, and everyone else just wanted her love and affection. And it was a miserable situation. So she saw how messed up her mom was, and figured it was maybe from her childhood, because her own mom (my client’s grandmother) had some issues. So the conclusion was, “Take care of your stuff! Don’t spray it onto everyone else! Don’t ruin everyone else!” And I think she’s absolutely right. And now I have a laser-like technique for helping people to really clean up their stuff. And that makes me really, really, really happy. And really grateful, too. So cool. So if you or anyone else needs to be de-gunked, holler! And I will do my best to turn the machine on and get out of the way, supporting you as needed as we let it arise to be released.